Thursday, December 16, 2010

Healing a heart~The story of Gretel

A week and a day after losing Scout, I couldn't hardly stand myself..And my poor husband. Bless his heart, he didn't know what to do with me either. I know it was painful for him to see me sad. With each day I cried less of course but my heart hurt almost constantly. Especially in the evenings when she wasn't here to lay on the couch with me while watching tv.

I contacted a lady who was fostering a pair of white kittens and arranged to meet them at Petco. I had prayed that when I found the right kitten/cat that I'd know it. I'd have a sign. I didn't want to take someone home just because I felt sorry for them or because they were cute. I wanted, no I needed, to feel a connection of some sort. It's a long term commitment & I had to be sure.

Well these two little ones were gorgeous. But as she opened the carrier only the little boy wondered out..The little girl although not seeming scared, just seemed content to lay in carrier...Ok I thought, that eliminates her. Apparantly she didn't deem me worthy enough for her to even come out to meet me. The little boy, well he was so soft and cute, but the little stinker wouldn't even look at me. And when I loosened my grip he tried to jump out of my arms...I told the lady I'm just not 'feeling" it. I don't feel anything. Plus I would've only been willing to take one of them and there was another family interested in them that would take both. I was happy for them to stay together.

Later that day my dh & I ventured to a shelter where I'd found a few potentials on petfinder. Again before going in I prayed for guidance & a sign. And I must say I was hoping for a drastic sign like it rubbing my chin with it's face like Scout always did...something, that told me, it's ok. I told the staff that we were open to any & all. It didn't matter what color, sex or age. If it was right, we'd know it.

It was overwhelming to be surrounded by dozens of cats. I asked by name for the 5 cats that seemed like good candidates. The one I was most interested in had just been adopted, of course.... As we were introduced to the others they all seemed nice enough I guess. We petted them and gave our salutations.

I sat on the floor with the thought that whoever came over to me would most certainly be THE one. Would you believe NO ONE, not one cat in that two dozen roaming around the room came over to me even to pet them or to rub up against me!!! Wow! Are you kidding me?! What an ego cruncher that was!!!

The staff decided to take me into another room where it was easier for me to sit on the floor. They were going to bring in a cat at a time from other rooms for me to meet. Perhaps a one on one would be better,or so they thought. With each one that came in my heart kinda sank. IF they let me pet them it was short lived before they ran to explore the rest of the room. Just seemed like no one cared I was there. By this time hubby had gone to the car. The smells were getting to him & his thought was "it's you that has to be satisfied". I felt badly for taking up their time. It really just seemed like a waste for all of us.

It was so disappointing not to feel anything. I know, I know, I prayed for guidance to find the right one...I was ok that I hadn't however still disappointed ya know? Just before leaving the lady asked if I'd consider a kitten....ummmm, hello? I'd said at the gitgo I was open to anyone...so they brought in this 4 month old calico-tabby that was here with her brother that had recently been adopted. As I held her in my arms she just cuddled in. Never trying once to get out of my arms & occassionally she'd look up at me too! I had the staff summon dh from the car to bring his phone to take a camera and to meet this little one. She was just as sweet with him...good sign.

Believe it or not, I was so emotionally exhausted from the day that at this point I still could not tell them 100%....We had spent sooo much time there and well my head was swimming. Hubby went back to the car & they took the kitten back to her cage. The shelter was busy and I'd already taken so much of their time. I stood in the dinky hallway asking the worker if I should fill out the paperwork when I'm not 100% positive. It was almost closing time so she said I could bring the paperwork back on Monday when they opened if we decided.

At this point the emotional rollercoaster was too much and I started to tear up. The worker however understood and was able to sum it up for me. It was being hard for me because I hadn't found my Scout in that room!!! YES, YES that's it...I was looking for her and she wasn't there!

Hubby & I drove home in silence. Then I looked at the pictures he'd taken. Oh my goodness! She was looking right at me, straight into my heart!


Gretel has now been here almost 3 days now. She seems so happy to be here and is so sweet. And one of the best things she could've possibly done?...she was laying in my lap & almost like being compelled to do so, she jumped up & put both her paws on each side of my face. Yes, like she was holding my face in her hands. I thought for sure I was going to get scratched but instead she rubbed my face with hers. "Is that you Scouty?", I thought to myself.... Yep, I think we're going to be just fine.

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